Need a laugh? Horse jokes!

Horse Terms...

Auction: A popular social gathering where you can change your horse from a liability into an asset.
Colic: Gastrointestinal result of eating at horse-show food stands.
Colt: What your mare gives you when you want a filly.
Endurance ride: End result when your horse spooks and runs away with you.
Feed: Expensive substance used to manufacture manure.
Fence: Decorative structure built to provide your horse something to chew on.
Grooming: Fine art of removing dirt from your horse's body and applying it to your own.
Hock: Financial condition of all horse owners.
Lungeing: Popular training method in which a horse exercises his owner by spinning him in circles until dizzy.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

When in doubt, run far, far away.
You can never have too many treats.
Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
Heaven is eating at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
Eat plenty of roughage.
Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
In times of crisis, take a poop.
Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

Submitted by Sharon B., Unionville, Pa.

To induce labor in a mare? Take a nap.
To cure equine constipation? Load them in a clean trailer.
To cure equine insomnia? Take them in a halter class.
To get a horse to stay very calm and laid back? Enter them in a liberty class.
To get a horse to wash their own feet? Clean the water trough and fill it with fresh water.
To get a mare to come in heat? Take her to a show.
To get a mare in foal the first cover? Let the wrong stallion get out of his stall.
To make sure that a mare has that beautiful, perfectly marked foal you always wanted? Sell her before she foals.
To get a show horse to set up perfect and really stretch? Get him out late at night or anytime no one is a round to see him.
To induce a cold snap in the weather? Clip a horse.
To make it rain? Mow a field of hay.
To make a small fortune in the horse business? Start with a large one.

Submitted by Sharon, Unionville, Pa